Did you ever wonder why it’s so exhausting to be around someone who thinks they know what is ‘best for you’ – and lets you know about it, all the time?
I’m talking about those people in your life who dish out persistent advice and recommendations about very personal subjects like:
- What your religious/spiritual path and beliefs should be
- How you should spend your money
- What your priorities in life should be
- What you should do to fix an issue in your health/love life/finances/career, etc.
- How you should dress
I’m sure you have at some point come across someone who constantly offers well-meaning (but unwanted) advice in one of those areas?
The thing about being around someone who offers constant unwanted prescriptions and advice for your life is that it’s not just draining in a surface way. It can affect your aura in an unexpected way.
When I read for someone who has been bossed around a lot (and who has never been able to say ‘Please stop bossing me around’) it shows up in their aura as a kind of negative energetic ‘clutter’ called unwanted influencing energy.
Unwanted influencing energy is astral level clutter that gets deposited in your aura when you are nagged, bossed around and told what to do. But it doesn’t get deposited every time this happens. The nagging and bossing needs to happen more than once, and usually as a result of the person on the receiving end of the energy FAILING to tell someone to back off.
When you have had a life full of being bossed around (say if you have had domineering family members or partners), your aura can be so full of unwanted influencing energy that it’s like clutter that stands in the way of you knowing what it is YOU want, and taking action on that, confidently. It can make it harder for you to move forwards.
Let me tell you a story to illustrate this:
Several years ago, when I got my first job as an English teacher in France, I was pretty irresponsible with my money. I was having financial crises every month because I’d spend my money on silly things that I didn’t need, then not be able to afford the basics. And it took me a few months to stop doing that. I was going through that phase some people go through when they first have a salary. At the time I had a friend who saw me lurch from one crisis to another. She used to lend me money here and there as I needed it and although I always paid her back, suffice to say she wasn’t too impressed at how irresponsible I was with my money.
She would constantly nag, boss me and moan about my behaviour. She stopped lending me money (rightly so.) Later on, when I wouldn’t be able to afford something she wanted to do with me, she would be annoyed with me and the lectures would start up.
In the end, I got fed up of the constant negativity coming from her about how I was irresponsible, so one evening, I angrily told her that I didn’t want any more advice or comments from her ever again. We fell out for a few weeks and then we made up again. She didn’t dish out any more advice after that and I starting learning how to be more sensible with money.
The falling out could have been prevented by me firmly saying pretty early on:
“Thanks for your advice, but I don’t want to talk about my financial situation anymore.”
But I didn’t, instead I just got very resentful over a period of months about the bossing and nagging that came from this person, and then the resentment boiled over.
Being nagged and bossed (and unable to tell someone to ‘push off’) can create negative ‘stuff’ for you in your aura and unwanted influencing energy is the most common kind of negative energy to show up for people in a situation like this.
How Can You Know if Unwanted Influencing Energy is a Problem for You?
Here are some signs that unwanted influencing energy is the number 1 form of energy ‘clutter’ you need to clear from your aura:
- You feel unclear about what it is that YOU want/think/feel
- Other peoples’ expectations and judgments weigh heavily on you
- You feel guilty if you do something that YOU want (as opposed to something you’ve been told/advised to do)
- You find it hard to speak up and say when you disagree with something someone is prescribing or recommending for you
- You worry about what others will think of you if you do your own thing and ignore their advice
When unwanted influencing energy is an issue, you can get stuck in a cycle of doing as you’re told, then you wonder why you’re so frustrated. Clearing this type of negative energy can be very freeing and empowering, allowing you to reconnect with what you want, and act on that. If you find it hard to tell people to back off, you may indeed have a lot of this cluttering up your aura.
How to Prevent Unwanted Influencing Energy from Affecting You
In order to avoid this being deposited in your aura, you need to let people know their advice for how you live your life is not needed or wanted. Often we have no idea how to do this (some people don’t even possess the language for it), especially if we’ve never seen parents or caregivers do it with others.
Phrases like the following ones are helpful:
“Please don’t make comments or judgments on my finances/social life/spiritual path again. It is up to me alone to decide what’s right for me.”
“Thanks for your advice, but I don’t agree. I don’t want to talk about this again.”
If someone is persistently pestering or nagging you after you have told them to back off, there is always the option of deleting their email/ending the conversation/leaving the room (and letting them know ahead of time that this is what is going to happen if they bring up the subject.)
Remember, the best way to prevent this energy from cluttering up your aura is to politely but firmly let people know that their advice/nagging/bossing is unwanted. Don’t assume that people already know this. Sometimes they don’t realise until you tell them. Most often, people who send you this energy are those who just desperately want you to do something differently, because they are sure you’d be happier. And they don’t realise that this has an unwanted energetic consequence.
To avoid causing this for anyone else, remember that everyone is on THEIR path for a reason, whether or not you agree with that path. All paths have value in the eyes of the soul. We can learn something from every experience, even if it seems painful or needless in the eyes of others.
I personally learned how to be more careful with money, partly through experiencing the consequences of being irresponsible with money.
Did you recognise yourself in the description above? Have a question for Anna? Please leave a comment below.
If you feel you are being affected by unwanted influencing energy, you may be interested in my book The Empath’s Toolkit, which teaches you how to clear it from your auric field.