When Am I Going to Die?

(I apologize in advance for the morbidness of this post!)

Last night I took a silly quiz online. It was ‘when are you going to die?’

The quiz asked questions such as ‘Do you smoke?’, ‘Do you exercise?’ and I answered all the right answers as my lifestyle is fairly healthy. But then when I wanted to see the verdict, I had to put in my mobile phone number and I didn’t want to do that, so sadly I didn’t get to find out when I was going to die 🙂

Anyway, as I was getting ready for bed, I felt happy because I could sense a rich night of dreaming ahead of me. I love dreaming. It’s one of the ways I commune with Spirit. I see my Spirit Guides in dreams and they send me messages for my life, through intense, vivid experiences. In terms of lessons and messages, they’re the best because they’re experiential, like life. (As an aside, I highly recommend that if you like dreaming and want more connection with Spirit in a non-scary way, ask your Spirit Guides to send you messages in your dreams…)

I woke up this morning after five hours of sleep, shocked to the core at the lesson I had been taught in this dream. It felt like the most powerful lesson they’ve sent me yet.

In the dream, I was in some sort of centre, in a grand, large building made of marble, that reminded me of Dubai airport (if you’ve ever passed through there). It was almost like a concentration camp but felt more compassionate than that. The place was fenced (like a high-security prison.) I couldn’t remember how I got there. I was being herded around with a load of other prisoners. As we were approaching some turnstiles, I realized what was happening a little bit further along the queue. People were being shot. You went through a door and there was a firing squad there.

I left the queue and went further back to try to negotiate with the guards, to see if there was some way I could escape this. I was shocked at how some people seemed to be ready for death and approaching their fate without any emotion on their faces.

Then in the next part of the dream, I had escaped the firing squad temporarily. I had been granted a little time to process what was happening and then when I was ready, it was time. But I kept finding closets to hide in and there was a man who kept finding me no matter where I hid (he looked like the older guy out of Buffy the Vampire Slayer). He explained that I couldn’t escape. He was like the grim reaper.

Then I was hanging out with some of the other prisoners. I talked to one lady and I said to her that it didn’t matter that I was going to die. In my opinion, I said “Life is a dream and you wake up when you want to. They can’t make me wake up.” Abraham-Hicks, I told her, says that life continues just the same, except you don’t have a body.” “I’ll be fine”, I said.

Then she gently explained to me that actually, this was it. “They can make you wake up.” Then it hit me. I remember looking at myself, my body and thinking ‘I don’t want to leave.’

I’m really used to my body and the Earth avatar that is Anna.

I remember thinking, “Wow. So this is really going to be over.” I thought of my mum and how upset she’d be when she finds out.

I thought of the work I do and how it was unfinished. I heard myself say the words, “but I’m only 28, I can’t die now.” (I’m currently 25).

When I woke up, I was shocked. I tend to take life for granted in lots of ways and plan for the long-term.

This dream has lit a fire under my ass. Yes, it was only a dream, but I felt experientially what it feels like to be on death row. My affairs weren’t in order. I hadn’t finished my work.

Yesterday I was feeling lazy and unmotivated. Sometimes I can get into an apathetic state where I feel like there’s no point to what I do or to life in general. It tends not to hang around but it’s annoying nonetheless because I just feel unmotivated and that’s not my natural state.

But all of a sudden, the inhibitions and ‘yes-but-what-ifs’ I had been having around my work, sharing what I do on my blog, and in relationships seemed so stupid and a waste of time – literally.

This was a lesson for me, so you might not be able to feel this like I did and I may not be able to communicate the essence of the message vividly enough for you, unless it’s a message for you too.

What if your life was ending in three years time? What would you approach differently than you do now?

If I died in three years, I can feel intuitively I’d still have work to do, one more important relationship to have (at least), I also have a few people to thank properly for their help in the past.

Your life has a deadline. Only you don’t know when it is. So you have to live with that in mind to some extent. Anything other than that would be burying your head in the sand.

People always say, live like each day is your last. But I’ve always thought, how practical is that? No-one does that.

But what if you only had three years left?

What would you do?

What are you taking for granted right now?

Do you realize that it could all end in a few years, days, hours, time?

You won’t have the chance again to find your purpose for being here and express that which you KNOW you came here to do.

You won’t have the chance to pursue that relationship opportunity that you might be thinking of passing up because you’re too scared to tell him/her how you feel.

You won’t feel the rain on your face after you’re dead. You won’t be able to eat all the foods you enjoy, and enjoy all the aspects of physical experience that you get to have here or express love towards your loved ones (at least not in the same way).

Where are you wasting time?

Where are you not living fully?

What are you refusing to create?

Can you commit to creating that? Can you write down an intention to do it?

If this isn’t saying anything to you, try this visualization:

Imagine yourself just recently crossed over. You are having your life review. As an example (not an intention!) it’s three years into the future, and you’ve passed through the pearly gates. You’ve had the tea party with your deceased loved ones, childhood pets, and Spirit Guides. You wish there were more people you knew in life to greet you here but you watch your loved ones on Earth mourning your loss and you feel the love they had for you.

Now you’re sitting around the round table in the afterlife. Your Guides show you the film of your life. You feel the high points with pride. You see the low points with compassion for yourself. You suddenly see, with wonder, the divine thread that ran through all your experiences, even though you couldn’t see it at the time.

The loving Guides say to you:

‘Beautiful soul. You didn’t realize you were going to die so soon.”

Once again, you feel the sense of shock you felt just before your death, and the disappointment that life was over.

“We sent messages that life was coming to a close but you didn’t see them.”

“Is there something you wish you had done?” What would you tell those left behind?

Fill the gap. What are you saying? What are you not finishing/starting/doing?