My Transformation to Anna Sayce

One of the things about being in business that I have noticed is that if you have a business like mine, your business has to evolve with you. It is an expression of your energy and creativity in the world.

When you change, your business has to change too, otherwise it becomes stuck.

This is where I am at now.

In February 2012, I shut down my business as I waited here in New Zealand to hear about the outcome of my business visa (I am originally from the UK and was seeking to emigrate here.) I was not allowed to work during this five month period because of visa restrictions.

Taking this time out allowed me to go deeply into my dark night of the soul, into the most painful period of my life yet.

Letting go of family

The dark night of the soul happened for a number of reasons.

I grew up in a deeply dysfunctional family which was abusive in a number of ways.  The thing about living with abuse from a number of people for a very long period of time is that you often don’t know you are. You come up with excuses for the behaviour. You learn to tiptoe through the world, trying not to make other people angry. You know that you have issues with self esteem, co-dependence and sex and being out in the world close to other people.  But you think you must have been born that way. Gradually it dawned on me that this was not the way I wanted to live anymore. I didn’t want to be in my family of origin anymore.

I also could not work at the time, and I knew in my heart that I belonged here in New Zealand, yet I did not believe I would get the visa or that they would let me stay. My whole family emigrated to New Zealand without me when I was 18. I went through the pain of having been left behind. And now here I was ten years later, having to fight the immigration authorities at every step of the way who challenged my business and whether it merited being granted a visa for.

My heart broke. I felt homeless, countryless, familyless and unemployed for five months.

I went so deep and dark into it that I was afraid I would not come back. My grief was such that I didn’t want to continue living anymore.

When I came through, I had a new country, I had no family but I was free, and I got my work back.

But not being the same person as I was before, the work and the website felt like it belonged to someone else.

I am not Anna Conlan anymore

We all change throughout life because of the things that happen to us.

My change was represented rather beautifully by a name change that happened in late 2011.

I changed my name from Anna Conlan (the name I was born with) to Anna Sayce, which was my grandmother’s maiden name.

This change came about BEFORE I realised that I could stay in New Zealand by getting a business visa.

I thought I would need to train as a teacher and work in my business on the side, in order to be able to stay permanently in New Zealand. I wanted to keep the teaching profession (that I thankfully never needed to go into) separate from my website. In teaching I would be Anna Sayce and on my website I would be Anna Conlan.

Now I am fully letting go of Anna Conlan.

She broke apart some time in the middle of 2012 and Anna Sayce was born.

I will spend the next few months adapting my website to reflect who I am now – humbled, kinder to myself, free of abusive attachments, and more space in my heart as a result.

Meet Anna

Hi, I’m Anna Sayce! My purpose here on this website is to provide practical techniques and information to help empaths to understand, and fix the root of their energetic overwhelm & also to help sensitives to embrace and develop their intuitive gifts. I believe that developing our spiritual & intuitive side is very powerful and allows us to improve our own lives, and if we wish, even make the world a better place for others. Discover more >

50 Comments

  1. Avatar

    Beautiful and honest blog entry, Anna. Congratulations to you!!

  2. Avatar

    Yay Anna! This is beautiful. I’m so glad you’re “back” and here! I also took my grandmother’s maiden name (after a divorce). It’s the name I think I was always supposed to have.

    You are beautiful, you are kind, you are smart, and you are rockstar at what you do.

    Just in case, you know, you ever doubt. 😉 <3

  3. Avatar

    Anna, this is a beautiful post. Being around the age of the Saturn Return (28-30) it is great that you are letting go of what does not serve you, it means you are learning the lessons that Saturn has for you. It is necessary but painful so that the next few decades can be lived *even more* authentically, and with more ease.

  4. Avatar

    Thank you for sharing this Anna – it is brave and really inspiring to hear about your letting go of what doesn’t serve you – I look forward to hearing about your new adventures. hugs. Jen x

  5. Avatar

    Beautiful, Anna. I could feel the pain you were describing as I read this. What an incredible transformation to go through.

    Sayce is a great last name, it will serve you well.

    Looking forward to what the future brings you.

  6. Avatar

    Anna, this is such a beautiful and authentic post. I love the fact that you are not afraid to share your vulnerability in this way, it is so soulful and ‘real.’

    I can relate to what you say about the family stuff; recently I too have begun to sever some ties (though I am much older than you), and, though it feels like a movement towards health, I have also felt bereft and very sad as a result, without moorings.

    I hope you don’t mind me asking a couple of other questions – but I don’t mean to pry and I will completely respect it if you’d rather not answer these.

    Firstly, as a punter (I am not a healer or psychic of any kind), it is easy to think that healers are ‘sorted.’ I guess there is a theory in my mind of the ilk that once you have cut all your cords of attachment and got rid of all your astral debris then you will be free of pain… I put that rather simplistically, I realise, but it can be sobering to hear of someone who has done loads of healing work and still suffers deeply (I don’t just mean you, I have encountered it many times). Maybe the healing work makes it easier to bear the hard times when they come, what do you think?

    And I also wondered whether, during your dark night of the soul, you consulted with your spirit guides, and if so, did you find it helpful or reassuring or did you feel cut off from them?

    Again, please don’t feel obliged to answer if these questions are too personal.

    I will just say that I find it soooo refreshing that you are prepared to be so honest and human when relating your experiences. Thank you.

  7. Avatar

    Would like to send my love! This was brave and honest. I appreciate it.

  8. Avatar

    That was beautiful Anna Sayce. Thank you for sharing so deeply!

    I can relate to a lot contained in your post. Following my marriage breakup just under a year ago , I was truely lost, alone and hurting. I had suffered emotional abuse throughout my 3 year marriage and when I couldn’t take any more I struggled and managed to break free, but I felt I was seriously damaged. A dark light covered my soul and as you have said Anna, I was tired of living.

    Seven months on and while there is some healing still going on, I find that I am a different person to what I was one year ago. My soul has deepened allowing in more light and love! I acknowledge now that my traumatic experience was what I needed to stimulate my spiritual evolement. It wasn’t easy but I find now that I am very lucky to be where I am now as I continue to grow with my spiritual awakening.

    The dark night of the soul can be a great gift of beauty for when your light shines again it can shine so much deeper and brighter.

    Love and best wishes Anna.

    Ciaran.
    Ireland.

    P.S. congrats on the visa.

  9. Avatar

    Dear Anna,

    You have the gift of communicating from the heart… Thank you! It is a true blessing.

    It is ALWAYS refreshing reading you, because sincerity & integrity are at the core of your every words. This is immensely precious in today’s busy-business-world!

    Congratulations for having the courage & the faith for following through, on your divine path.

    To Your Infinite Sincerity & Light!
    Lynne

  10. Avatar

    I can relate to you at the moment in my own way. I have finally recognized that my family is dysfunctional to the core, is based on my mother’s ultimate control, is a dictatorship of sorts and organized by verbal abuse of anyone who dares to express a need or stand up for an injustice against the regime. It is heartbreaking. Made worse by all the denial. Thing is, like you say, when it’s all you’ve ever known, it goes unnoticed or at least unrecognized. It’s a horrible choice to choose between your sanity and your relationship with twisted head-bashing people. But it sometimes has to be done and we have to be strong. I am pleased to hear things are working out for you now and that you have come through this stronger and brighter than before. That is an inspiration. Thank you.

  11. Avatar

    Congratulations on your releasing and healing Anna, its nice to have you back!
    Sending lots of love and hugs

  12. Avatar

    My heart aches for all you went through, and I can relate on so many levels. It’s shocking to read your words and realize that, I too, was not born this “way”, that tiptoeing through life isn’t natural, that holding myself back afraid of being seen…is not my original programming. I have family issues too, and you sharing your experience is so healing for me I wish you could feel the freedom you’ve made possible for me…just by sharing a part of yourself.

    You know, I’ve always felt estranged from my country, my family, my ethnicity, my age, myself…and I always thought “if I find that one place where I belong, everything will be great. I can finally be me.” Yet, you’re where you want to be and you still had to fight to be there. I think you’re teaching me that no matter where I am, claiming my right to be me ensures that wherever I am…I belong.

    I don’t know if that makes sense. If not, I sent you my deepest, heartfelt Thank You.

  13. Avatar

    Anna you are a beautiful soul.I am on a much better path in life myself for having found your website and you.
    Remember everything we go through in life makes us who we are now, we are the lucky few who recognize this and move forward and closer to a higher self and purpose. We are blessed.

    Love and light to you my friend.

  14. Avatar

    Transformation is never easy yet the rewards for those who walk into a new phase of consciousness are immense. Truly a new dawn rising.

    Your honesty and frankness is refreshing, pure and beautiful…thank you so much for feeling able to release so much on what in essence is a public forum. The positive loving comments that precede mine fill me with hope for the future of humanity in this phase of great planetary change. So wonderful that all these little connections are being made on a global scale.

    Love and light,
    Namaste

  15. Avatar

    This is a brave and heartfelt post, Anna. THANK YOU! It takes great courage to let go of your family of origin. May you be blessed with ever deeper self-acceptance and self-love, so that your work in service to Spirit continues to inspire and help so many.

  16. Avatar

    Anna, I am very inspired by this blogpost about transformation. Like you, I went through a transformation when I accidentally discovered I was gifted intuitively with the skills as a tarot reader and started my business barely 6 months ago. Like you, I went through difficulties in my family as well, and never healed from a divorce and being cut off from my parents, family and friends. This year is a year of healing for me, and reading your blog assures me I am not alone. So thank you.

  17. Avatar

    Good for you Anna! It’s great that you are able to go through so much in one year and come out of it renewed. That kind of strength is powerful.
    Glad you’re back…and thanks for sharing.

  18. Avatar

    It must be a great feeling to be free.. I relate to what you are saying and what you have had to do. You must love yourself so others can love you too.. Great things are ahead for you. Your strength will carry you through. Much love

  19. Avatar

    I am going through my “dark night of the soul”, and have been. I seem to be REALLY STUCK. I feel like something negative is trying to hold me back from what I came here to do. EVERYTHING I do seems to fail right now. Its very disheartnening, and very very lonely. Sometimes I can’t breathe too well, and struggle to catch that good deep cleansing breath. HOWEVER, after reading your blog, it made me realize that we ALL have those seasons, and we will get through them, and then there’s that good ole saying, “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”. So I intend to come out stronger and better than I was BEFORE I became stuck. Thank you for your blog. Now I don’t feel so lonely.

  20. Avatar

    Dear Anna, It seems that those with great destiny have a corresponding great time of testing and dark night of the soul.Dont quit hold onto HOPE.I find peace in reading the Psalms bit like finding the eye of a hurricane some days. Bless you and lots of love Annette.

  21. Avatar

    Wow Anna,

    Thanks for sharing this. So much of what you say, especially in your personal upbringing and how things were for you as a child – totally resonates with me. I’m glad you’re moving forward and evolving as best as you can, and knowing how supported you are, even through all the challenges and hardships you had to go through. Your blog has been really instrumental on my own awakening journey and I’m so grateful to you choosing the path you’re on…otherwise I would not have known to the degree how many spiritual gifts I have..and about being an empath which has totally blown my mind in a sense that it understanding everything after that realization has just made so much sense. You’re incredible. I’m so very grateful for you! Thanks for being so honest and sharing again. Looking forward to reading more of your blog and connecting with you hopefully sometime in the future!

  22. Avatar

    Anna,

    A name change can literally change your world, congrats on having the courage to do this =)

    Namaste

  23. Avatar

    Thanks for sharing that. I can identify with some of what you have gone through. I was raised in a disfunctional family. I still have the scars, but they are not as painful now. ( I’m 61!). My mother is still living, she is 94. I live 400 miles away from her. I find it very difficult to visit het. I have no desire to, and feel very guilty as a result. 
    I have recently fallen out with my brother as I discovered he had been taking money out of my mothers account. I gave him a piece of my mind and now both him and his eldest daughter have stopped speaking to me. I try not to let it affect me, but it does…
    All the best in your new life. It must be very liberating!

    Love and light

  24. Avatar

    What an amazing endeavour – something for us all to learn from.

    Thank you for sharing your deepest thoughts with us.

  25. Avatar

    Hiya Anna, I have been on your website many years, I have learnt a lot from you. I just read your story..heart felt..I’m so glad you made it…good luck you really deserve it, you are a lovely kind lady..who helps many….

    lots of love angelroses.x

  26. Avatar

    My heart went out to you as I read this. I am so glad everything has turned out alright now. Stay positive and have faith that every moment of every day things will improve even more that your life will be full of joy and only good will come to you.

    I too am going through big life changes and a few months ago were very challenging but I believe that wonderful things are on the horizon.

    Stay strong and keep the faith.

  27. Avatar

    Hi Anna,
    Wow, you have been on another amazing life journey and you have appeared to have emerged even stronger. I think in hind sight the visa issue has been a useful challenge to you, as through the progress it has forced you to consider ‘you’ and put yourself first, something as healers and empaths we often forget to do. It seems that your child hood experience although incredibly challenging and painful at times has also contributed to the wonderful person that you have become today as we grow the most from our biggest challenges. I would imagine, that you have tried even harder through out your life to take the time to listen to people, get to know them, support them and help them to grow, in part as a result of your own child hood experience. Be proud of yourself Anna for who you have become, enjoy life and continue to grow and live your dream. Thank you for sharing your experience. Sally x

  28. Avatar

    Hello Anna,

    I’m new to your site, and I too, echo the sentiments of other previous posters. Yaaay for you! Welcome (properly) to the Antipodes.
    I haven’t commented here before, but wanted to be cheeky:
    Why? Bacause I Sayce so!

    Kindest regards,

    Belinda

  29. Avatar

    A moving account of your life that i can really relate to. That ‘re-birthing’ feeling is incredibly uncomfortable isn’t it? But as in giving birth to a child… once it starts, there is no going back and it is always worth it in the end!

    I have only just found your page, I asked for ‘help’ in coming to terms with who I am and just a few hours later you are in my life, that is spirit at work yet again… fabulous! xxx

  30. Avatar

    Ooooh and also interesting to note… I found you as Anna Sayce!

  31. Avatar

    Thank you for sharing this! I am so happy you will be continuing your work… it has been very helpful to me and I am thankful for you and your website. 🙂 Jamie

  32. Avatar

    Good luck, Ms Sayce. 🙂 I love that name.

  33. Avatar

    Dear Anna, I too, have been down that dark rabbit hole, and like you, found strength to climb out the other side. I deeply honor your journey, and celebrate your arrival in this new place.
    Thanks to you, people of unusual talent can feel psycic but sane, and live practical full lives. Keep near your heart the knowledge that you created that for the many who visit you here, and remember it came from the part of your heart that is eternally whole and perfect.
    Many blessings, Joy

  34. Avatar

    Beautiful post Anna. Sending good energy your way, your words helped me so much in that they echoed so much of what i feel often. thank you.

  35. Avatar

    You made it out the other side, perhaps a little sore and bruised but most definitely still intact, with a spirit that is willing to adapt and continue to transform. I’m so happy for you. Continue to love and be kind to yourself as you explore what it means to be a Sayce 🙂 Much love from San Diego.

  36. Avatar

    Hello Anna I was thinking the other that I must look up your website and i received your email today. Nice to have you back again.

  37. Avatar

    Anna,
    Your recent life journey touched me for a few reasons.
    First, your courage to share it with grace and humility. Secondly, in waching my father die a slow painful death as a result of a lifetime of alcoholism, I started dealing with a lot of buried truths and realities of the abuse I suffered from him and as a result, coming to terms with what never developed in me as a result of all the different types of abuse i suffered. I am not a vicitm..but I believe in order to discover and heal I need to uncover first. That dark period you spoke of, I’ve been in since May and am growing through and out of. I fully believe grieving what one lost as a child is appropriate and needed in order to let go. I became a very angry woman in my preteen years and can love and let go of that angry girl I’ve even thanked her for doing the only thing she knew to do to protect me. I’ve told her she can rest now, that anger is not needed and forgiveness can take its place, Thanks so much for sharing your pain so that I can share mine.
    Anna from Atlanta

  38. Avatar

    Anna,

    Thank you so much for writing about this. It resonates me a great deal as it is only recently that I have realised how my upbringing had affected me. It is true that you think your childhood/family is normal and it is you who cannot seem to do things right.

    It is only really been in the last year since having sessions with you and Rose that I have been able to detach myself emotionally from my parents behaviour. Behaviour which recently included alternately blaming my sister or myself for my car accident (too emotional/driving too fast/made me late when it was a car fault). Refusing to help make me dinner when I was recovering from said accident, or forgetting to make enough for me if they made dinner for everyone else. Having things thrown at me while in crutches even. Before I cut the cord of attachment I took these things very personally and felt like I must be an awful person.

    Your work has helped me to do start getting past it and not taking it personally.

  39. Avatar

    Good for you! I wish you all the best in your new life and your new self! Many blessings to you. 🙂

  40. Avatar

    Blessings, Anna, and congratulations for continuing forward to step into your new life.!

  41. Avatar

    Good morning from not so sunny Scotland. I am so glad there is light after the darkness for you, the energy in New Zealand must be fantastic. Your story come at a funny time. I know I am a natural healer amd I am at a group filled with Reiki masters and mediums mot to forget one or two other areas. On four occasions by diffirent people I have been told I need to talk, I need to talk about my past to move forward spiritually. It is hard to come from a dark place after abuse and hurt where you think you are to blame where as a child all you want is love. Things are not by chance and I dont think your email come by chance at a time where I was thinking of giving up on something which I have known I need to develop now for years. Many thanks for relighting that spark. I wish you all the best with your new start and business, love and light, Ali

  42. Avatar

    Love light and laughter to you Anna Sayce. Welcome. May your world now be filled with peace and love and acceptance…… My soul aches for you, and celebrates at the same time….. thank you for being here for me, as I transitioned… and I am pleased to send you love and energy as you gather yourself and begin to rebuild….

  43. Avatar

    Dear Anna,
    Wishing you love and happiness. I am sure that you can not imagine the positive effect that your inspirational words and wealth of knowledge offer to those who visit your website. Let me tell you, it can be life saving. We have never spoken but I am eternally grateful to you for all you offer to all of us that somehow find you. You are obviously a loving and insightful person with a special gift that you generously share with the rest of the world. Thank you.
    eileen

  44. Avatar

    Hello to Anna Sayce,
    I guess in summary when you master a transformation you master a skill, most people generally grow through having to let go of control and surrendering themselves to faith and hope. Takes courage, may that lion continue to roar through the wings of change! I honour the fact that you are living up to your own values and beliefs, and sharing these, we are all human afterall. You have inspired confidence in me and I am certain all of your readers! Congratulations!

  45. Avatar

    Congratulations Anna, on entering the next chapter, of your book of life!

  46. Avatar

    Thank you Anna, for your wise, heartfelt words and for baring your soul. Good to know you are still using your gifts and we can all benefit from your knowledge and insight. Take courage from this next step in your journey. Hugs from a fellow Pom!! xx

  47. Avatar

    Wow!! Your courage and actions in authenticity will affect all who come into contact with you moving forward – it is a powerful blessing – you are a powerful force and I am grateful to be in your ripple!

  48. Avatar

    Hi Anna,
    On the one hand I am sorry that you have been in such a dark place – I bet it’s so lovely to be out in the light again. You have probably had to navigate many losses – even the loss of the ideal family – so, well done you for venturing down those paths of loss.

    I think you are so brave for setting out with a new name. I think names say so much about us. My name is a clairvoyant’s dream lol.

    Good luck with this new chapter of your life and I hope you meet many people who can be part of your new chosen family.

    Claire.

  49. Anna

    Thank you to all who commented with their experiences, kind words and good wishes.

    🙂

    Anna

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Is It Time to Come Out of the Spiritual Closet? • Anna Sayce - […] But in the end, I decided to use the one name only for all areas of my life. Letting…

Explore my Blog Categories

Developing

Your Intuition

Managing

Your Sensitivity

Using Your

Gifts To Help Others

What would you like to learn?

JOIN OVER 4,000 HAPPY GRADUATES AND AWAKEN YOUR HEART, SOUL AND MIND.

The Intuitive Awakening Program

The Intuitive Awakening Program

‘Zero to intuitive’ in 13 weeks

In my most popular course, you’ll get a step-by-step comprehensive guide to awakening your intuitive abilities. It is complete with audio files, meditations, techniques and inside knowledge from a professional intuitive.

The Akashic Record Reading Program

The Akashic Record Reading Program

LEARN TO GIVE PROFESSIONAL READINGS

Learn how to access the Akashic Records to give professional, accurate, content-rich readings on soul purpose, past lives, life lessons, soul gifts and origins.

CHAKRA MEDITATION KIT

CHAKRA MEDITATION KIT

CLEAR ENERGY BLOCKS, RESTORE BALANCE

Read, heal, open, clear out and rebalance your chakra system. Fast–track your intuitive development using this do–it–yourself guided meditation.

The Intuitive Reading Program

The Intuitive Reading Program

FOR AKASHIC RECORD READING GRADS

Learn how to do the following readings for your client: Spirit Guide and Guardian Angel Profile Readings, Career Readings, Decision-Making Readings, Relationship Readings and General Intuitive Readings.

THE CORD CUTTING PRACTITIONER TRAINING

THE EMPATH'S TOOLKIT

A GUIDE TO RECOVERY FOR THE OVERWHELMED EMPATH

With this Amazon bestselling book, learn how to come back into balance with your gifts & thrive in a world that is not set up for empaths.

ENERGY CLEARING FOR SPACES

ENERGY CLEARING FOR SPACES

CREATE A HAPPIER ENERGY IN YOUR HOME

Learn about the most common negative energies which affect our spaces, how to diagnose and clear energetic issues in your home and how to protect your home from negative energies in the future.

Explore ALL COURSES >

Want to receive my updates to your inbox?

Join over 15,000 people who never miss an update, new course or intuitive tip!

error: Content is protected

Pin It on Pinterest