How Your Personality Flaws Point To Your Soul Gifts

Today I was waiting for an appliance repairs company to drop off my washing machine.  (I know this sounds like I’m going to tell you an incredibly boring story, but bear with me! I promise it gets more interesting… 🙂 )

Since I moved into my new apartment in June, my washing machine has broken a total of three times and I have dealt with the same repair company the whole time.  Because it has broken so often, and I have to ring up and arrange for it to be picked up for repair, I’m now quite familiar with the receptionists who work at this company.

There are three or four receptionists at this company. One of them, I’m going to call her Debbie, always gives really good customer service, head and shoulders above the others. I can just tell she cares about customers.  I’m a tenant, and so I’m not even the one who’s paying for the service (my landlady is), but that doesn’t matter to Debbie. She’s polite, helpful and just nice.

Today, the washing machine repair men came round to drop off the washing machine. I left them alone in the room to install it.

As they were working, I overheard them moaning about their co-worker Debbie.  Apparently she’s too sensitive; too nice; takes it personally when people complain; not cut out for the job of being a receptionist.

How interesting, I thought.  I don’t know what Debbie did to annoy them, but as a customer I thought Debbie was great.

Then I remembered that a weakness and a soul gift are two extremes on the same continuum. What does that mean? Let me explain.

The Two Sides Of The Same Coin

Debbie probably IS sensitive.  That’s why she is nice to people.  She’s tuned into what people need. She’s not one of those hard-nosed shop assistants who gives you terrible service and then doesn’t give a monkey’s when you complain. It gets to her when people are unhappy.  She probably wants to make it right.

Yet, those men perceived that strength as a weakness. Maybe Debbie’s dedication to customer service is inconvenient for her co-workers who don’t care about pleasing customers. Soul gifts can definitely be viewed as weaknesses or strengths, depending on who’s doing the viewing and in what context.

Let me give you a similar example in my own life.

Sensitivity and Empathy – Weakness or Strength?

One of my biggest challenges in life has been my sensitivity.  As a child, I was told I was “too sensitive”.  I struggled with my overactive empathy for much of my life too.  This made me an introvert, I disliked crowds and liked being alone, especially in nature.  That way I wouldn’t soak up other peoples’ vibes.

Yet now I make a living from my sensitivity and empathy as a professional intuitive. People stopped telling me that I should get rid of it a long time ago and now it’s seen as a gift – NOT a problem – as long as I learn to use it in the right context.

It all depends on what you do with the ‘personality flaw’, that matters.

Want Some More Examples?

Here are some traits that are gifts, which also have downsides.

The Soul Gift of Self-Expression

Some people are naturally quiet. On the other hand, some people were born with the urge and desire to express themselves verbally.  They have to.  It’s painful for them not to do it.

The upside?  They are great writers, great speakers, and great teachers.

The downside? They sometimes don’t shut up.  And they want an audience – no, need an audience!  If they don’t have one, they might even treat you as their audience, even though you aren’t interested in their latest hobby horse, like their new tropical fish aquarium.  If they don’t express this big desire for self-expression in a way that honours what other people want to hear, they can be the ones that you try to get away from at parties.

That’s an example of a gift that’s become a burden through not being expressed in the appropriate context.

The Soul Gift of Healing and Helping

Have you ever been in a dysfunctional relationship where you desperately wanted to rescue the other person? Do people often tell you that you’re too good and too kind?

This is the downside of the healing gift, where you have the soul urge to help others to heal and improve their experience. If you’re not expressing it, it can rear its head in dysfunctional ways – like wanting to fix the people around you and giving too much. Expressed in a healthy way, you could be in a healing or helping profession or as a volunteer of some sort.

Empathy

Overwhelmed by your empathy? Feeling the strain of taking on too much energy from other people?

Yes, this sucks. It makes you sensitive and other people might also see you as neurotic.

On the upside, you were born with the ability to experience what life is like for another person. You make a great mediator because you can see two sides of a story and can switch your point of view easily. Take John Gray, the author of the book: Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus.

Gray has the gift of empathy and using this gift, he has been able to clarify how some men and women experience their relationships. This man has brought a lot of healing to peoples’ relationships simply because he can help them to understand each other.

Empathy heals and builds bridges to other peoples’ experience. If you have this gift, part of your soul purpose will be to build those bridges on this planet so that we can understand each other better. It’s a fantastic gift, as well as a burden.

Want more?

Here are some more traits…

Perfectionism – to some degree this helps to keep standards high (which is a good thing) and often brings a certain attention to detail. The downside is paralysis and procrastination.

Can you never finish a project or follow through? – maybe you’re a creator – someone who is good at starting projects and coming up with ideas.  When you’re done thinking up ideas, you need someone to take the project and run with it.

Are you often accused of speaking your mind too directly and sometimes tactlessly? – these people often have high integrity and a dedication to seek (and speak) the truth.  This is the upside.

Try this exercise

I invite you to write out a list of your top five weaknesses. What do you feel insecure about? What have people criticized you for in the past? What are the issues you’ve been trying to solve? See if you can find the upsides of having those ‘weaknesses’.  Where has that weakness served you in the past?

If you can’t see the upside to your weakness, try posting them in the comments and I’ll see if I can find an upside.

Here are mine:

  • Too empathic (good for my work)
  • Need lots of alone time (when I get plenty of alone time, I think, and write and then I produce articles for this website.)
  • Too perfectionist (have been told in the past by employers and clients that my work is of a high standard – I hope so 🙂 )
  • A past tendency to rescue other people and to try to improve their lives for them – (This is now channelled into doing healing work with others.)

Yes, all of these can become flaws when taken to extremes, or expressed in the wrong context. But, many of these weaknesses I have built my career around. Strengths and weaknesses are just two ends of the same continuum, depending on how you express them, and how they are viewed by other people.

What about you? Did you recognize any of the soul gifts and personality flaws in this article?

Why not try the exercise above and post yours in the comments for us to see. Let’s celebrate our ‘weaknesses’!

PS – If you want more on life purpose, and soul gifts, I recorded this podcast with Alex Wu a few months ago on the topic of life purpose and our weaknesses pointing to our strengths. You can listen to it here.

 

Meet Anna

Hi, I’m Anna Sayce! My purpose here on this website is to provide practical techniques and information to help empaths to understand, and fix the root of their energetic overwhelm & also to help sensitives to embrace and develop their intuitive gifts. I believe that developing our spiritual & intuitive side is very powerful and allows us to improve our own lives, and if we wish, even make the world a better place for others. Discover more >

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39 Comments

  1. Avatar

    That’s realy serendipidous, Anna, I just asked the higher powers for a list of examples of soul gifts yesterday! Thank you.

    I’ve been thinking a lot about soul purpose lately, especially after listening to the podcast that you did with Alex Wu, and I definitely can see the unexpressed healing gift in myself – I’m chronic at emotional rescuing in relationships! I also have sometimes quite erratic boundaries (that’s the low self esteem i think i feel because of recently realising, a bit to my surprise even though i think a part of me always knew, that i seem to be an empath. I’m constantly thinking up the different sides of the story and tend to get very caught up in procrastination and indecision trying to find a scenario that suits everyone, though I can’t see one much of the time. But then, I thought, I’m not expressing the healing, but I’m now starting to feel some fainnt glimmer of light that it’s possible to express myself authentically and successfully and feel much happier.

    Reading this also got me thinking about one of my biggest percieved weaknesses that’s been around for my whole life – I’m really shy. Still getting a feel for what soul gift that could be related to. Also resonated with the perfectionism – I’m starting to realise that it can be used to enhance my self expression instead of be a bit of a crutch.

    This article has really helped me realise a lot of things, Anna! Thank you. 🙂

  2. Avatar

    Wonderful way of looking at this, Anna. Like you, I was a very, very sensitive child which my family saw as a weakness. Again, like you, this has become one of my strongest attributes as I grow even more fully into it.

    I’ve long struggled with the “let me fix you” thing and attracted many, many people into my life who were more than happy to allow me to exercise that desire. 🙂 At least now I’m MUCH more conscious of that and try to head it off at the pass.

    Having consciousness around your strengths and perceived weaknesses really helps put it all into context.

  3. Avatar

    Great Article; as I read, you kept writing more and more about ME! Nice to know I am perfect just the way I am!
    When I got to the 5 Gifts/burdens, You had so nicely filled those in for me too. Thank-you for the insights!

  4. Avatar

    I am YOU. Overly empathic, very sensitive, will go out of the way to help, want to heal people in my life – thats my mission, very prefectionist – leads me to OCD and I ve had relationships where I wanted to heal the girl.

    Thing that turns my gifts into burdens is that I am a man. Much is expected of a man on the opposite side of what I have. Men have to set boundaries, empathy and sensitivity is definite weakness, looking at both perspectives of an argument leaves doors wide open for emotional manipulation. Nevertheless, I will do what I have to do and with a lot of power.

    Keep writing you.

  5. Avatar

    I’d appreciate your feedback on this, Anna, if you have the inclination. 🙂

    One of my weaknesses is that I’m very overwhelmed socially. I can’t connect with people at all – I feel like I’m alien. People are different creatures to me. I never feel the need to say anything in their presence and prefer to be left alone. Going out exhausts me. I’ve only ever connected with one person in my life and I miss it dearly.

    I wish I could say that means I’m fine being on my own – for the most part, I am, but this gets lonely.

    It means I have a lot of quiet time, but beyond it being a relief from people and having an ability to do things myself, it doesn’t feel so much, and I don’t see how this helps others at all, because I’m usually turning them away or trying to get away from them. Isn’t a soul gift supposed to help others?

    Not to mention, I miss connection.

    Thanks for this article. I’m glad you covered “speaking your mind”, too – I’ve been thought of as a drama-starter in the past because I thought it was important to say what was right. I’ve been called cold because I would call others on their sh*t and because I wouldn’t waste time with people who drained me. Alas, I’ve stopped speaking my mind because it started getting to me, but I kind of miss it. I wasn’t popular, but it was kind of nice challenging people to think.

  6. Avatar

    lovely blog. great article – and not because you mentioned me. you are right, I am ultra-sensitve so i connected with your descriptions for sensitive people.
    all the best to you-
    http://www.facebook.com/john.gray.mars.venus

  7. Avatar

    Thank God and angels for your blog! 🙂 and thank you for this article. Its funny how like energy attracts like energy. That everyone that has commented has all the same traits. I have all the above traits and I don’t know what to do with them. 🙂

  8. Avatar

    Hey Anna!
    Your past three articles have been great, I enjoyed reading them so much. Thank you for that! The topics have been lovely as always and they were a very good read 🙂

    This article is again one of those synchronicities 🙂 I just realised yesterday that my sensitivity is one of the greatest challenges that I face. I also figured out that my sensitivity is not the problem itself, but my inability to deal with it properly.

    I’m just not able to put any distance between me and most things: Even in bed I think about the things that happen at work. Love. One would think that this must be amazing if you are able to feel so much? Well, might be…but surely not if you’re too afraid to be hurt to have a romantic relationship at all.

    I already tried to “detach” myself from everything…but then life doesn’t feel right. It feels as if it just passes by and I’m nor really living. Thus, denying oneself seems not to help – but reading your articles does 😉 This one in particular, because it showed (reminded?) me that I’m not the only senstive person. It basically said: Hey Jules, everything will be alright if you figure out how to use it. Don’t worry, you’re not a freak. Have a cuppa tea or two 😉

  9. Avatar

    I think a lof of us are “Highly Sensitive People” as defined by Elaine Aron. It’s a personality “type” that 15-20% of the population have and is characterized by an unusual sensitivity to light, noise, and other aspects of our surroundings. Social interactions and large crowds totally wear us out so we need lots of downtime and alone time to refresh. It also includes high degrees of empathy and emotionality. Quite a few HSPs are introverted as well, but some are extroverts. Reading most of the responses here, I’d bet that most of us are HSPs!

    Unfortunately, because we are not the “norm”, these traits are looked down upon as being weaknesses. I’d just prefer to think that we’re “special”. Ha ha ha. We are the gentle advisors of the world as opposed to the warrior kings. 🙂

  10. Avatar

    Very wise Julia, yes, i forgot that, its never the thing itself thats the problem but how we relate to it.

    Hey awesome to see John Gray post here 🙂

  11. Avatar

    Hi! Yes it IS so funny how most people here identify the same or similar traits, I wonder if that means most people in the world are really like this, but they just keep it secret?

    I used to be very very very uber sensitive but everyone kept criticizing me and making fun of me, saying things like if it were up to me all the beggers in the world would be living in palaces and I would be living on the street, that sort of things. People kept using me all the time, and I always let them even though I knew what they were doing because I thought they needed things (food, money, etc.) more than me and deserved these things more than me. That I was too “sensitive”, as in, you can’t cry over every dog that gets beat up in the street, every unhappy kid or abandoned bird, that’s their tough luck and if you don’t watch out the same things are going to happen to you (get beat up, abandoned, etc.)!

    So one day I decided that it was high time I toughened up and started standing up for myself, so I started taking martial arts lessons and kicked my abusive ex out the door.

    Anyways, long boring story short, I guess the 5 major flaws I would list about myself would be:

    – I’m too shy! I’ve always been what people refer to as the boring wallflower, the kind who hides in a corner at parties and never has anything interesting to say. Where’s the gift in being such a party pooper?!
    – My head is always up in the clouds. I’m always walking around with my eyes inside my head instead of on the street, which is a major problem because I keep bumping into people, poles, falling down steps (because I didn’t see them), etc.!
    – One of my major flaws is one that Anna lists, I start loooooots of projects, but I have trouble keeping up my interest in them.

    Well I think I can’t think of any more major flaws at this moment, I wouldn’t consider being too sensitive a major flaw anymore because unfortunately since I got a Soul Realignment session I actually seem to have become LESS sensitive, or to have lost my sensitivity! I even miss it! I don’t know why it went away after that session! 🙁

  12. Anna

    Roshni – what you describe definitely sounds like empathy.

    As for the shyness, I think that is a power style – it has a lot to do with how you present your power to other people. I think that there are quite a few powerful and effective people are shy people, they just come in under the radar and they prefer it like that because they don’t always enjoy the attention. I can be shy too, mostly around people who are very outgoing and exuberant. An upside of shyness could be other people are not threatened or intimidated by your energy and find you easy to be around because you’re not in their face. I think that shy people are often great listeners too.

    I know this is just personal preference, but I’m sure many other introverts (like me!) prefer shy, thoughtful people to making friends who are loud and tiring to be around. I remember one girl from university who never stopped talking who I found it physically tiring to be in the presence of. Give me an introvert any day 😀

  13. Anna

    Hi Lisa – Yes, consciousness certainly does help!

  14. Anna

    Hi Darrin – Glad you related to this and found it helpful!

  15. Anna

    Hi Ali – yes, I admit that having the qualities on my list might be more challenging in certain cultural contexts. But there’s nothing wrong with you, it’s just the culture we’re in. And it can help you to develop strength and personal power to deal with it, which it sounds like you are doing as well!

  16. Anna

    Dusty – Hmm. I wonder if this is a growth area for you rather than a soul gift. I’m not sure if what you describe is a soul gift because when we settle into our soul gifts, we accept their downsides but we also feel good about being that, because it is who we are.

    So unless you find freedom and release in not connecting with people – perhaps it’s your ‘growing edge’?

    PS – I wonder where the overwhelm comes from? Could you be a HSP as fellforit describes above, and I definitely think you’re an empath too from your other comments on here.

  17. Anna

    John – Great to see your comment on my blog! Thank you for the compliment 🙂

  18. Anna

    Hi Diana – yes, it is funny isn’t it! Thanks for your comment.

  19. Anna

    Hi Julia – Thank you for your lovely comment!

    Yes, it is so true that it’s how we handle the sensitivity that matters.

    I too think about work when trying to sleep, that’s my hyperactive mind.

    I just thought of another upside to sensitivity. Sensitive people notice things and are often really observant. Great trait to have.

  20. Anna

    Fellforit – I have heard of the HSP term. Elaine Aron says that one in five people is a HSP. I am a HSP in some ways. I am definitely not sensitive to light or noise (at least, not anymore.) I am bothered by mess and disorder though in my environment. I became more bothered by that when I developed my psychic sensitivity further.

    I believe a smaller proportion still of the HSPs will be empaths. I bet some of us here will be both HSPs and empaths.

  21. Avatar

    Awesome article, Anna. I’m also an empath and so much of this article resonated with me (and by all of the other commenters, it would seem!).

    My weaknesses include (but are not limited to!):

    * Too sensitive. I’ve been told this by nearly everyone in my life from childhood to adulthood. I’m only now learning how to work with this as an empath.

    * Too “all over the place”. I often have many projects on the fly – don’t like to get bored.

    * Need lots of alone line

    * Don’t like crowds

    Keep posting, I love your articles! 🙂

  22. Avatar

    I hate speaking out in college class

    I don’t like the energy that goes behind making new friends

    I like quiet alone time

    I often struggle of finding things to say to new people i meet

    I dont think i am very interesting probably a bit boring

    People don’t seem to like me or make an effort to talk to me even though I do to them

  23. Avatar

    Kimmy : I have that trait too and I use to call myself the loner and be sad that I have no friends. But now I can see the up side coz the few friends that make the effort to sticks around are true friends that I can keep for life. I’ve only ever made friends online. And kept in touch online, they actually make the effort to come and see me. Which I am so grateful for.

    But I do get annoyed with starting things and not being able to finish. I’m 33 and have not found a career. So I work for my dad, I feel stuck and am wasting my life away.

  24. Avatar

    Hi Ana,

    What a wonderful post. This made so much sense to me and resonated a t a very deep level. Please keep sharing your wonderful gifts and wisdom.

  25. Anna

    Hi Eleanor, Thank you – glad you liked it!!

  26. Avatar

    GOD THIS RINGS SO TRUE TO ME because I’m an empath as well and grew up asking God and myself, “Why am I so sensitive? I don’t like it! why do I have to ‘feel’ so much??!!”

    And now that “weakness”, like in your case, has become the biggest blessing in my life and I LOVE that aspect of me.

  27. Avatar

    It’s been a little while since I first read this article, but I’ve been thinking about soul gifts a lot over the past few months.

    It ‘clicked’ to me yesterday that something I value about myself – the ability to strive to see the other sides of a story and not just my own, innocent until proven guilty sort of thinking – is both a ‘blessing’ and a ‘curse’. I find it difficult to stand with conviction to my point of view, and have been endlessly frustrated because when i’m around different groups of people i see the world differently, and I thought I was just being wishy-washy and inauthentic and gullible and naive. But upon further consideration, I had a lightbulb moment yesterday of realising that I wouldn’t change this for the world – I am so glad that I try to see as many perspectives as possible, it keeps my mind and heart open to growth and development, and lets me experience things I otherwise may not.

    It’s interesting how so many of our gifts are like double-edged swords. The journey to self-mastery takes so much commitment and tenacity, it can be easy to feel like giving up sometimes. The fruits of persevering are good, though.

  28. Avatar

    I’ve always known I was different from my family, friends and everyone else. And it has caused me a life of pain and heartache feeling the feelings of everyone that thought I was weird or abnormal. I have just recently found out the reasons why and I now know I am a very gifted,special and blessed person. I have helped alot of older people in my work. I have always spent my time with the older set. But as a result I think I am 45 yr old and I am disabled with all the diseases of those I cared for. I believe this helped me empathize and I truly have helped people. But now I have three rheumatic diseases that keep me homebound now.
    I have the gift of empathy and recently found out from research that I am probably clairsentient. I am really struggling on how to deal with all the illnesses. Please pray for me and I would welcome any advice. Anna Thank you for all your writings that have helped me so much.

    GOD BLESS ALL
    Tracey

  29. Anna

    Frances – glad you related to this!

  30. Anna

    Hi Roshni,

    Yes, I can understand what you’re saying. What you’re describing (being able to see many sides of a story) is a classic feature of empathy, which is why empaths make really good mediators.

  31. Avatar

    I am told that I am too positive, that I could make a positive out of anything and it was annoying.

    I am too sensitive, I worry about people. When my son was killed I was so distraught and a mess and i kept thinking how I am ruining everyones New Year. he was killed on 1/1/11
    I still feel that way at times

  32. Avatar

    i cant seem to find the upside in my personality flaws, i would love some reassurance..

    -im a perfectionist
    -i get anxiety when im around too many people at once
    -im a hyper sensitive
    -ive stayed in a relationship for 3 years because i want to be there for him even tho he doesnt treat me well, like i want to rescue him.
    -im the black sheep of my family and only have 3 friends, its like i isolate myself without doing it on purpose.

    Another thing i wonder about is why i always get a sensation where my third eye is? what does it mean? it comes unexpectedly but often.

    And last, when i was younger i used to experience things i couldnt explain, seeing people that no one else could see, it stopped when i was about 10 or 11. is there a reason why it stopped?

    one thing i know about myself is that im very intuitive, should i try using my intuition more often?

  33. Avatar

    i cant seem to find the upside in my personality flaws, i would love some reassurance..

    -im a perfectionist
    -i get anxiety when im around too many people at once
    -im a hyper sensitive
    -ive stayed in a relationship for 3 years because i want to be there for him even tho he doesnt treat me well, like i want to rescue him.
    -im the black sheep of my family and only have 3 friends, its like i isolate myself without doing it on purpose.

    Another thing i wonder about is why i always get a sensation where my third eye is? what does it mean? it comes unexpectedly but often.

    And last, when i was younger i used to experience things i couldnt explain, seeing people that no one else could see, it stopped when i was about 10 or 11. is there a reason why it stopped?

    one thing i know about myself is that im very intuitive, should i try using my intuition more often?

    thanks, Liz

  34. Anna

    Hi Liz,

    Being in a relationship with someone who doesn’t treat you well might mean that you have a healing/helping gift that’s not being used, at least not back then. Ideally you’d be using this in your work and getting paid for it, so that you don’t get depleted.

  35. Avatar

    Hi Anna,

    I have been blown away by your site and blog this afternoon…. I was doing a google search, to see what information I could find on diminishing clairaudience… it is very new in my life, and seemed to be receding… and I found your site, and read and read and god bless you lady….. thank you….

    So my “weaknesses” are: Too deep, tenacious when seeking truth; dreamer; rescuer; waaaaaay too sensitive; self-expressive…. oh and hate being alone lol….

    And all this comes at a turning point in my life… end of a marriage, rebuilding my home, single dad with autistic child, and desire to leave current career…. So i guess the goal is to now sort out what will empassion me moving forward…. my tenure on a volunteer board as President ends this june, and I am really open to NEW ideas and experiences, as long as they pay the bills somehow…. anyway, the how I will leave up to my guides, as I focus on the what….

    thanks huge.
    Craig

  36. Avatar

    my five insecurities are i feel like im too helpful at times,, not having a career makes me feel less than other people,, i feel that people dont believe im truthful,, i am too sensitive,, i cant decide something and stick to it.

  37. Avatar

    I’ve read and re-read this article many times when I’ve felt my soul gift is a “what’s wrong with me” flaw. Thanks, Anna, again and again for this post – it has helped me a lot to identify with you and other commenters.

    I’m trying to come to terms with my biggest ‘flaw’ — people have always said that I’m unrealistic, that I should be more realistic. I’ve had all but 2 mentors say this, and of course, the sarcasm from the unsupportive ones stay with me. When I’m told that, I feel I shouldn’t be who I truly am. Being unrealistic is what I do best. That’s how I come up with creative visions and see what others can’t see. But I keep scaling down my dreams to fit in, to be more ‘realistic.’ It causes me to not go after what I really want. Even if I do, I can’t tell most people about it. It feels like I’ve lost before I even started because of the sarcasm and the “I hope you fail” sentiments I attract. I feel like not many people root for me, because I’m unrealistic. I want this to not matter to me.

  38. Avatar

    I am currently considering training as a Shaman. I have all the ‘flaws’ for it! ha ha Thanks for sharing this.

  39. Avatar

    what is the upside to being a control freak?

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